Back To Work...

It’s Aaron writing today.   Sweet Lorraine has done such a nice job updating this Blog.  My Mom and my sisters have also helped.  Thanks to so many of you who have written nice things, and taken the time to express your concern.  Regarding the nice comments some of you have written about me on this blog, a friend recently said to me:  “Those people are obviously writing about a different Aaron Thatcher.” 

The greater mystery to me is that some actually find our lives interesting to read about.  We’re about as average and normal a family as you’d find.  And so we’ve been so grateful that you’d show an interest in our circumstances and even remember to include us in your personal and family prayers. 

I’m feeling great.  I’ll return to work on Monday.  I just received my official clearance from my physician this week.  Part of his letter reads as follows:

“Aaron is medically cleared to return to full work responsibilities on September 28, 2015 with no restrictions.” 

We see this as a miracle.  Just as we consider my response to my medicine a miracle; and the genetic marker I carry a miracle; and the timing of the care I received—which prevented respiratory failure, a miracle.   

The last six months have been life-changing for our family.  Many of you who are reading this will understand perfectly what I’m referring to, as you’ve had experiences in your lives that have had the same effect.  I think sometimes a dramatic change in our lives causes one to think about things he/she has never thought deeply about before.  To feel emotions, fears and worries differently than before.  It alters what a person values most in life.  The feeling of frustration with my circumstances was one of the obstacles that was difficult to work through.  Why did it have to be lung cancer?  Couldn’t He have taught us these same lessons with a less severe type of cancer?  And why did it have to be Stage IV?  Stage 2 would have gotten my attention just fine.  And if it just had to be Stage IV, why did it have to include so many metastases to the brain?  As my brother Jeff would say, I had such limited brain function to begin with….  And was it really necessary to include the Lymphatic system in the process?  I was pretty sure that I could’ve learned some lessons if there had been a single solitary tumor that could be surgically removed.  That’s enough to wake most people up, right?  1% of Stage IV lung cancer patients make it to the 5-year mark.  And those with stage IV lung cancer who are unlucky enough to have the cancer spread to the brain as mine has, have even less time to look forward to.  What’s so important on the other side that I have to get there within 5 years?  Couldn’t they do without me for say 20 years?  How about letting me live to be 60?  All of my kids would be in their twenties by then; I’d have that time to help Lorraine through the challenging years of raising young children.  It’d give me time to prepare all of them the best I can.  Does living to age 60 seem like an outrageous request to any of you?  For months, I’ve wrestled with these thoughts.   In the initial months following my diagnosis, the thought of not living a “long life” was deeply troubling to me.  The idea of not being around to help Lorraine was beyond upsetting.  Not to mention the fact that the future has always been exciting for me to think about—full of miraculous events and things we’ll see in our lifetimes that have never been seen before.  The thought of being ‘absent’ for all of this--and not being able to witness it together with my family--seemed a bit anticlimactic.

But a stillness has begun to settle over me.  I don’t feel the need to fight against things that are outside of my control as much as I did before.  A feeling of trust has become my predominant emotion.  Trust that whatever God decides for me and my family will be fine.  An acceptance of His will has come unexpectedly.  There wasn’t a particular event or a specific day that produced this shift.  It has just gradually come.   I’m on board with His program now.  We’ll spend whatever amount of time we’re given in doing His will, and will serve Him however we can.  Whatever the Lord determines, we will cooperate with.  We’ll do everything possible to persuade the Lord to grant me a long life—as much time as He’s willing to grant.  But if that’s not part of His will for me, we’ll accept it, knowing that He knows what is best, and things will turn out fine.

I now recognize the many ways Heavenly Father has blessed my family and me more profoundly than I did before.  It seems strange that He would have to remove something (good health) that I’ve grown accustomed to throughout my life, for me to be able to see His hand more clearly in everything.  Others can probably learn these important lessons without having to endure such dramatic events.  But it’s my belief that God will give each of us just enough challenges in life to make our lives purposeful.  I don’t think we’d want it any other way.  We’re here on earth to gain the experience we need to progress.  We’ll be given opportunities to prove ourselves.  God loves us too much, and cares about our progression too much, to not provide those opportunities. 

Before any of you get the wrong idea, I better clarify something: We are more determined than ever to LIVE.  I’ve always liked challenges.  And here I’ve been given the greatest challenge of my life.  The stakes are high.  The odds are not good.  The likelihood of a complete turnaround is remote.  What’s not to love about this set-up!!??  We’ve been given an opportunity to do our best work under the most challenging circumstances.  To practice what we preach, so to speak.  To learn what it really means to exercise faith in Jesus Christ.  We know that He lives.  He has healed people with much more serious problems than I currently have.  If He chooses to do that for me, then He will, and we’ll be grateful.  If He chooses not to, then He won’t, and we’ll be grateful still.  But in the meantime, until His will is made known, we’re going to do everything in our power to live another 20+ years.