Since the beginning of this experience Aaron quickly recognized that this is the way the Lord had chosen to answer his prayers. To teach him about the things he has been pondering and asking guidance for. I decided I would take a good hard look at what I had been praying for and each time I did/do, I could see how this could have the power to teach and refine me and answer those prayers. When I realized this for myself I knew there was going to have to be a big twist in the situation. Before the cancer diagnosis and Aaron was in the ICU at Davis and as I drove back and forth between the hospital and home I thought, "This is nothing new to me. This is what I do. This is what I have done with our cf kids time and time again for the past 11 years. This is not enough. If this is going to teach me it has to get hard. It has to get harder than I think I can possibly endure."
Even though I knew what was coming yesterday, I couldn't have prepared for the flood of pain I felt in my heart. It took my breath away. As much as I do not like that pain I know that it is perhaps one of the most important parts of this experience for me. It has a way of refining me and turning me to God. My theme song for this trial has become "Come Thou Fount". I particularly sing this phrase in my head again and again:
"Here's my heart Lord, take and seal it. Seal it in Thy courts on high."
This experience is about a lot of things for me and I think it all comes down to my heart. Can I fully give the Lord my heart and not feel like I have to say, "Here's my heart Lord, but please do not break it. It is the most vulnerable and tender part of my soul. It is here where I keep the most sacred things. Please strengthen it. Please fill it. Please do not break it." When I trust Him enough to know He is not about breaking my heart I think I will have learned a very valuable lesson, and perhaps what I need the most from this experience.
I have been at the battle front since this all began, and yesterday I felt like I fell off my horse, lost my sword, and needed someone else to lead the charge. But a new day is upon us and I am back on my horse and I am gathering an army of people willing to exercise their faith and prayers in our behalf, but most espcially in behalf of my dear, sweet Aaron. I truly hope it is my heart I can leave on the Lord's altar and not the physical life of the man I love more than I have ever loved someone before, so please keep praying and send this message along to anyone and everyone you know who knows Aaron and who is willing to join in mighty prayer for this good man. After all, I think of the battle for America and how bleak it looked. Who could have thought for one moment that a bunch of rag tag farmers with little weaponry and training could beat the army of the then greatest most powerful nation on earth? And yet they did. By the grace and hand of God they did and it is by that same grace and God we can defeat this opponent.
Thank you to Aaron's siblings who are giving voice to this experience through this blog. You're the best.
Love to all of you, Lorraine
Lorraine, this is beautiful. Your faith is so inspiring. You will all be in our prayers.
ReplyDeletePeople of Vere and Winnie Johnson stock make particularly good fighters - and so do the people who marry them. Fight on, the army is right behind you.
ReplyDeleteLorraine, I don't know that I have ever come across such words or sentiments concerning absolute submission to God. It is so unthinkable that you and Big A could be so faith-filled, and yet you are. Thank you for taking the time to show it to us and, in a way, invite us to do the same.
ReplyDeleteWe offer our faith and prayers with yours!
-Eric, Emily and kids.
It didn't take you long to get back on the horse. You're a wonder, Lorraine, and we love you so much!
ReplyDeleteOh Lorraine, I love you and Aaron so much. I have always admired you and do so even more now. What a beautiful post.
ReplyDeleteYou have a bigger army here and in heaven fighting for you and your sweet family. Faith can move mountains.
Thanks for this post! Reading it melted my heart and made me want to be a better husband and daddy.
ReplyDeleteI remember way back in Kindergarten through second grade looking up to Aaron in so many ways before they moved to Paradise. Again in 6th grade and then in high school Aaron had so many admirable qualities and abilities that were recognized by all. Perhaps it was his quiet dignity and meekness amidst so much success and capacity that stood out to me the most through those years.
Lorraine, you have constantly demonstrated that same quality of quiet dignity and meekness through countless struggles and trials. I know what a strength you have been to Kiplin and her family through many years because of your bedrock faith.
You both have been such an example to our family and so many others around you that my heart aches to know that the Lord saw fit to give you this trial. We will be combining all of our faith and fasting and prayers in behalf of a miracle for your dear family! I am confident that the Hand of the Lord will be seen in countless ways.
-Tyler Griffin
I love you so much my dear sweet friend Lorraine. This post is beautiful! You are so strong and have always been such an example to me. Aaron is so strong also and if anyone can win this war he can, with you and your precious children by his side. Thatchers are fighters with faith who don't give up when things get hard. And God is a God of miracles. May you all feel so much strength at this time with the burden you have to bear, and may peace be with you all to give the comfort you need. We love you so much and treasure all the memories with have with you all and look forward to more. Tell Aaron he needs to get better because my boys want another slurpee run with him! :) They adore him. They will never forget how Aaron played baseball with them back when they were on Brigham and David's baseball team. Thank you for staying in touch with me. Please keep letting me know what I can do for you to lighten this load.
ReplyDeleteLorraine- I am praying for you and your family!
ReplyDeleteLorraine, this is one of the most faith-filled things I've ever heard. It reminds me of the words of the Savior, "I have not found so great faith, no, not in Israel."
ReplyDeleteLorraine, thanks for posting this. We are in your family's corner and have all the great Thatcher's in our prayers.
ReplyDeleteLorraine, I do not know you but I can tell you are extremely special. First Aaron married you, and second your spirit is amazing.
ReplyDeleteI love how you turned to music for your support. I went this a life altering experience 4 years ago, only I was the patient. I truly think it is easier being the patient that the loved one. My heart aches with yours. I long to bear your burden.
During my affliction, different hymns were brought to my mind but with a slight change of words sometimes. Phrases like," but undaunted still SHE trusted in her Heavenly Father's care." " And when I kneel to pray, my heart is filled with peace" "wrapped in the arms of my Saviors love, I feel His gentle touch". The test before you is probably the hardest one you will ever have to face, but I promise when you get there, the incredible peace that comes....stays. Our prayers and love is with you and your family. God lives, He loves us, He has already borne our pains, let Him help carry yours. You can not have too many blessings of comfort and faith. Linda Danielson
don't know you personally but I do know many of the Thatchers and will definitely be joining in the fast tomorrow. What a moving and emotional post and so tender. You truly have so much faith. I can't imagine the tempest going on in your mind now constantly needing to be calmed.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing what is in your heart with us, Lorraine. You and your family inspire me. Sending love and prayers your way!
ReplyDeleteAnneMarie and Nathan Farner
We don't know you, but we are old friends of Paul and Jen Thatcher. Paul shared your blog on FB and as we read it, our hearts broke. We lost our youngest son this past summer in a drowning accident and we've been through quite the refining fire in these eight months. What you said about "Understanding that the Lord isn't about breaking my heart..." Wow. That's something that is very hard to understand, but we are slowly coming to know that He doesn't WANT us to suffer. But without suffering, we can't learn what we need to. It's impossible to learn the lessons we came here for with an UNbroken heart. He's not about hurting us; He is about helping us to reach our full potential. I just hate that these lessons come at this price. Although our circumstances are different, I know the Lord will help you. He will provide for you in beautiful ways, even if those provisions aren't what you've imagined or planned. Putting all of your eggs in one basket and trusting in God like this is....so hard. But know that whatever happens, it will be okay. It will be okay! We'll be praying that Aaron has several decades left on this earth with your family!!!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear of your trial! Aaron grew up as I watched and became a great role model for those around him. I see he married a great role model as well. Your family will be in my prayers as you fight this foe together. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeletePrayers rising from Somerset ward. We LOVE Aaron Thatcher!
ReplyDeleteWe love your family and we are praying for you. What beautiful examples of faith, you are!
ReplyDeleteWe have you all in our hearts and prayers, distance wont stop our faith, our belief in miracles or our love for you
ReplyDeleteSam
We have you all in our hearts and prayers, distance wont stop our faith, our belief in miracles or our love for you
ReplyDeleteSam
We love you and pray for you as of this moment when we are learning of this challenge. You are such a remarkable family. Aaron, the Lord is mindful of how you gave everything as a missionary to His cause and no doubt continue to do so. Merrill and Janice Warthen
ReplyDeleteAbout 23 years ago Aaron Thatcher and I locked into a great pitcher's duel in the state semi-final baseball game at Ken Price field in Salt Lake. I played for Spanish Fork and Aaron for Mountain Crest. We had heard about this giant flame thrower from Cache Valley and how dominant he was all season. He lived up to the billing- he threw gas and had a nasty bender, and he looked like he was 7'5" out on the mound. Intimidating to say the least. The breaks went our way that night and we won 1-0 - although we didn't get our hits or run until Aaron was out of the game.
ReplyDeleteAfter that game I assumed that our paths probably wouldn't cross again. I signed to play at Utah Valley and Aaron was headed for bigger and better things when he was drafted by the Twins in the early rounds of the MLB draft. The next year I was called to be a missionary in the Brazil São Paulo Interlagos mission of the LDS Church. Shortly thereafter I learned that Aaron had some arm issues and decided to serve a mission and had been called to my very same mission. I looked forward to meeting him, but assumed that he would be a cocky punk like most high school stars. Well, I couldn't have been more wrong. Aaron Thatcher is one of the kindest, most humble people I have ever known - which is amazing because he was a tremendous athlete and the finest missionary I had the pleasure of serving with over my two years in Brazil. He and I spent a few days together as companions on a division and I learned more from him in those two days than I did at any other point in my mission. While I was trudging along in my mission waiting for the day that I could return and play baseball, Aaron was invigorated by the possibilities that each new day held to share the gospel. His example made me a better missionary and a better person. Aaron was a true disciple of Jesus Christ - in the way that he treated every single person that he came into contact with. Although I have thought of him often since that time I haven't kept in contact with Aaron. However, he made a lasting impression on me, as the kind of person we should all strive to be like. Aaron is great, but more importantly he is good. If there was ever someone deserving of God's blessings it is Aaron.
I love you brother and I am grateful for your influence on me. When we played against each other on that Spring night in 1992, I felt like I was David playing against Goliath. I am grateful that I later learned that Goliath was a great person and my friend. Fight on my friend. You and your sweet family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Greg Lindsay
What beautiful words, Lorraine. You have such a valiant heart. We love you guys!
ReplyDeleteWe are just hearing this news of Aaron for the first time today, unfortunately.
ReplyDeleteI wish we had known this sooner. You may be wondering who in the world is this?! The best way to explain is this.
We lived in Farmington from summer of 2012 to spring of 2014. We stayed in our parents (David and Linda Mathis) house while they were serving a mission. We were in the Farmington 20th Ward which has since went through some changes after splitting. We both knew Brother Thatcher (which is what we always called him) and loved him and his spirit. He always remembered us and our names which I thought was pretty amazing since there's a lot of people in the world, and we were nobody special.
He would always ask us how we were doing, and make conversation with us every time we ran into him. (which was usually at church and sometimes Smiths) I would always comment to my husband, "He is soooooo tall"! My husband would usually follow that up with, "He's so awesome, I love him. You can just tell he's a really good guy!"
I love the fact that without knowing someone really really well, you can still be so touched just by their spirit! Our thoughts and prayers are with your family and we sincerely hope that he can fight this as long as possible!
We are keeping Aaron and his family in our thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDelete- Jeff Weidman
You have our faith and prayers and our admiration. You have written words that are so hard to read yet beautifully expressed. I remember Aaron speaking in our Ward and never has a talk touched me the way his did. We all knew he was someone special! I am available to help with your family or I can cook and take photos if needed. Wed like to help anyway we can. We are increasing our faith and prayers in your behalf.
ReplyDeleteThe Thatcher Family and The Bostock family go back a long way, before they moved to the south end the valley they lived in Providence where our families first became friends. My mom still talks about how awesome the Thatchers are today. My story of Aaron was from high school when I was in my junior year. I had recently dropped out of the marching band and lacked friends at school because I guess I made some peeps mad at me when I dropped out. I had waited tell the last minute to find a locker and ended up with one in the math building that was what seemed to be in a separate building from all the other classrooms. Out of the blue Aaron told me that I could share his locker with him. Back then the seniors didn't have to share lockers with anyone and they had the best lockers in the central location. I really appreciated him as he brought me under his wing as I got to know his friends. Aaron must have passed his height over to me as I was 5'9 when I started my junior year and then graduated at 6'7 and grew a couple inches afterwards. i still look up to Aaron even though our lives have taken us different directions as I have not seen him in a long time. Thank Aaron for being a good friend when I needed it most.
ReplyDeleteYour old friend,
Eric Bostock
Dear Lorraine, your words are so beautifully faithful and bring tears to my eyes. I remember Aaron from our ward in Sandy. We served as stake missionaries at that time. He is a wonderful friend and faithful example to everyone he meets. It appears you live near my cousins, Kevin and Emily now. My family and I will keep Aaron and your lovely family in our hearts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteWith our heartfelt prayers,
Kirsten Banks
You are all in our prayers.
ReplyDeleteI have thought much about Elder Maxwell's quotes on why hard things happen to good people (as cited in Ashley Tello's memory/story about Aaron):
ReplyDelete“If we are serious about our discipleship, Jesus will eventually request each of us to do those very things which are most difficult for us to do.” (1) And so, “sometimes the best people . . . have the worst experiences . . . because they are the most ready to learn.” (2)
1). Neal A. Maxwell, A Time to Choose (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1972)
(2). Neal A. Maxwell, remarks at Joseph S. Clark funeral, 23 February 1996, quoted in Hafen, A Disciple’s Life, 20
Here is another thought about the refiner's fire, written by one of my beloved Professors, Dr. Dave Robinson, whose wife is also going through cancer treatment at present:
The Crucible: There are two meanings to the term “crucible,” each relevant to how individuals and families experience illness, death, and disability. The first, more literal meaning is derived from chemistry and metallurgy. In this context, a crucible is a furnace-like container that can resist great heat in which a transfiguring reaction takes place. Raw materials, usually metals or ores, are placed in the crucible, to which heat, pressure, or some other catalyst is added. Crucibles are used when the final desired result is not merely an additive mixture of ingredients, there is a catalytic process that creates a qualitatively different final product (Schnarch, 1991). In industry, crucibles are commonly used in the creation of high grade steel and alloys of unusual strength, which actually differ from the raw ingredients themselves. The second, more metaphorical meaning of a crucible is that of a severe test or trial. When coupled with the first metallurgical meaning, this definition of crucible implies a notion of metamorphosis that can occur in people’s lives when they experience severe adversity." We pray for you as you endure this Refiner's Fire.
Fondly sent with love, faith and prayers
from The Wayne & Julie Dymock family