Upcoming Scans

This Friday, Aaron goes in for his first scans since diagnosis. He will get a PET and brain MRI. We won’t know the results until the following Thursday (June11). Originally these scans were scheduled for Monday, but our three children with cystic fibrosis need to be hospitalized next Tuesday (if any of our PCMC nurse friends are reading we hope you’ll come see us and take care of us;). Their hospital stays last for two weeks, and we are simply trying to balance a busy month.

I have a few thoughts on scans. I’ve decided that scans are only going to tell me what is currently happening in Aaron’s body. They are not going to be a predictor of anything; good or bad. Maybe I have decided this because I have read too many stories of people having clean scans or dramatically improved scans and then a short time later cancer comes back.  I can’t ride that roller coaster. I have to keep steady. I can see why cancer patients get “scanxiety”. You never know what you might find at any moment. I don’t know how others deal with scans, but this is going to be my method. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Just a recap on Aaron’s cancer, because it’s really an amazing thing to consider:

    *Stage IV lung cancer

    *Lungs are almost completely involved (meaning there was very little lung tissue that was    tumor free)

    *It metastasized to the brain. The radiologist didn’t bother to specify the number of brain tumors.    He simply said they are “innumerable”, and that they are in all 6 major regions of the brain plus the brain stem. Brain mets are never a good thing.

    *It has spread to the spine, hips, right femur, lymphatic system, and multiple places in the ribs

     *Incurable

And yet we feel hopeful. I am sure some people think we are nuts, and I can’t blame them. I only know what I feel in my heart of hearts and that feeling is an incredible hope. I keep thinking I should be falling apart and yet I feel a great strength.  I feel calm.  Currently, the hardest part is dealing with the extra busyness that has come our way. We are trying to balance a lot of things around here, and fortunately we are blessed with a continuous stream of loving people who are willing to carry this burden with us.

It’s been a blessing for Aaron to be able to take time off from work. He is using that time to get his strength back. I know he is looking forward to returning as soon as possible.  His personal goal is to be ready by end of August or first part of September.  Hopefully his doctors will support that.  Brasseler has been so good to Aaron and our family. From his co-workers to the CEO. They have all been supportive and encouraging.

Sunday morning I watched our four youngest children run around the yard without a care in the world. David said, “It’s the perfect morning. The birds are singing, it’s warm, and I can do whatever I want.” I felt gratitude that our kids feel happiness at this time and that cancer has not taken away any of their childhood. It was at that time that I wondered why cf times 3 was not enough for me. Why we had to add lung cancer times stage IV too. I am good with my life. I don’t have any complaints. The Lord has been very generous with me, so the question wasn’t asked in bitterness, more of just an “oh, by the way I’m just wondering” kind of thing. The feeling I got was that Heavenly Father loves me and He desires that I keep on the path back to Him. Left to my own, I would find a sweet carefree spot in life and never leave.  A stagnant spot that wouldn’t lead to all that God has in store for me and my family.

Thank you for not forgetting us and for checking in.   

Ella helping Aaron get his exercise for the day.

A trip to Beaver Dam for Memorial Day